I've realized how bad this has gotten .. I'm so in love that I'm scared to admit it. I'm scared to give you my all and right when I'm about to give in I just panic. Dont you see baby that I need you but I'm scared, Im scared to admit it but all I ask is to see me again ... see right through my bullshit and I just break down.

on another note ...

Daddy please don't leave me, I know that our families big , I know that I have more friends than fingers, I have love. Daddy please know that without you it's all nothing, because your here in m life to guide me and protect me that is my only reason to go on and live. You are my only reason to see things and appreciate them. Daddio without you I wouldn't know what to do, I'm not ready to lose you ... I'm not ready for a life without you.

God you've taken my favorite uncle from me on valentines, you let me suffer and scream for something I never wanted, you JUST took my only grandpa I knew from me before I got to grant him his wish to see me again since I was 2 ... You let me cry, and hurt, and plead for no more pain ... give me just this last break and keep my daddy here with me I promise I wont let you down. I'll watch my mouth, treat all others as I want to be treated, I'll be a good girl ... I promise. Let my dad see me graduate with a high degree, let him walk me down the isle, let him still give me a chance to show me the world, I want him to just be proud of me ... let me have him for a little while longer.