And when it all, when it all falls down?

One hit after another, and the pain just seems to never end. It's time's like this where I question my faith and look up to the sky and ask "why?". I want to feel the emptiness filled, yet every request I make seems near impossible. It's as if happiness was just a figure of my imagination. Everyday I take a moment to myself to look back on memories and it's those fragments of my past that keep me going.

I'm JUST living, not loving, not wanting, not needed ... I just AM. I know the right thing to do but I feel so stuck, so held back. I just need a sign!

retrace

"The greatest irony of love is loving the right person at the wrong time, having the wrong person when the time is right and finding out you love someone right after that person walks out of your life and sometimes, you think you're already over a person, but when you see them smile at you, you'll suddenly realize that you're just pretending to be over them just to ease the pain of knowing that they will never be yours again.

For some, they think that letting go is one way of expressing how much they love that person. In my opinion, some are afraid to see the one they love being held by someone else. Most relationships tend to fail not because the absence of love. Love is always present. It is just that one was being loved too much and the other was being loved too little.

As we all know that the heart is the center of the body but it beats on the left. Maybe that's the reason why the heart is not always right. Most often we fall in love with the person we think we love but to only discover that for them we are just for passing time, while the one who truly loves us remains either a friend or a stranger.

So here's a piece of advice, let go when you're hurting too much. Give up when love isn't enough. And move on when things are not like before. It’s certain. There is someone out there who will love you even more. "

Time for a getaway

I know I should be happy here with this beautiful life I've been blessed with. Yet everyday there's this pain that won't go away. The past keeps creeping up once a smile starts to show on my face. There's never complete happiness anymore, and slowly I'm starting to forget the feeling. I try to look at her and be in peace , believe me I love her more than anything in life yet something is aching still.

Maybe it's time, time to go back to the past and get it over with or else I will never be able to live my life completely. Only thing I ask is... when the day comes, will I be ready?

music to my soul

Un-thinkable

Moment of honesty...
Someone's gotta take the lead tonight
Whose it gonna be?
I'm gonna sit right here
And tell you all that comes to me
If you have something to say
You should say it right now

You ready?

You give me a feeling that I never felt before
And I deserve it, I think I deserve it
It's becoming something that's impossible to ignore
And I can't take it

I was wondering maybe
Could I make you my baby
If we do the unthinkable would it make us look crazy ?
If you ask me I'm ready
If you ask me I'm ready

I know you once said to me
"This is exactly how it should feel when it's meant to be"
Time is only wasting so why wait for eventually?
If we gon' do something 'bout it
We should do it right now

Bay, uh

You give me a feeling that I never felt before
And I deserve it, I know I deserve it
Its becoming something that's impossible to ignore
It's what we make it

I was wondering maybe
Could I make you my baby
If we do the unthinkable would it make us look crazy
Or would it be so beautiful either way I'm sayin'
If you ask me I'm ready
If you ask me I'm ready

Yeah, sing...

Why give up before we try
Feel the lows before the highs
Clip our wings before we fly away
I can't say I came prepared
I'm suspended in the air
Won't you come be in the sky with me

I was wondering maybe
Could I make you my baby
If we do the unthinkable would it make us look crazy
Or would it be so beautiful either way I'm sayin'
If you ask me I'm ready

In love with a stranger

I'm so excited to show you how loved you are, how wanted and needed you are. You're already my everything, my absolute reason for living life. Funny thing about it is I haven't even met you yet but I never felt so in love my entire life.

32 days

This I swear

I swear this will be the last disappointment I'll bring your way, my last failure, my last hurt to you. Without a doubt this is my LAST. After the pain I'm giving it my all, this .. this is my life now, my reason, my every strength and weakness. This is the change you've asked for. I know it may not in the best way possible but this is it. This is me ready to be the person I failed to be for so long.

I know I can never make you proud so that's why it's my mission to do it for her even if I have to die trying. I will show her a love that you never gave me, one that never abandoned, never physically hurt, you could ever stop believing in, one without these high standards to live up to, one that never gets put aside or forgotten, one that will NEVER fail. I will love her, cherish her, and be there for her. Everyday I will give her everything I have and nothing less.

37 days <3 x3

now we face yesterday

They say that only time can tell and so far time has told me so much. Some say that God gives you these challenges in life that tend to make you feel broken, but never will he give you a burden that he knows you cannot carry. They say that he tests us, and with these test's it's all in order to prepare us for something amazing he has in store for us. I'm not going to go all out and preach the bible but I've never doubted God and his whole strategy

Until now ...


Yet through it all and through more to come I really could have never asked for anyone better to go through this with than Kevin he's been everything to me. I know that as long as I have him nothing will break me. It's funny when that sort of thing actually happens because thousands of people go through life never finding what I've already found and that's this whole new reason to live life everyday. I'm not one to be overly cheesy and lovey-dovey but when it happens to you there's no way in denying it especially when the most difficult situations arise. It makes me so grateful to know at the end of everyday I have someone who is truly caring for me and my happiness. That my happiness is valued, that I found that one out of a billion people in this world who was made for me. Maybe that's why I have the problems that I have because I was given this amazing blessing to help me through it all.