blissful

It's the way you talk to me, it's your random ass ANNOYING kisses when I'm trying to pay attention to a movie, it's the way you hold me so perfectly that when I'm in your arms I just want to fall asleep, it's that cute look you give me when I say something stupid, it's the way you bully me around and then grab me so I wont leave cause I'm pissed off even if it does kind of hurt, it's those tight ass hugs you give me when you randomly wake up and remeber that I'm there, it's the fact that no matter how many times you promise yourself and me that you WONT fall asleep, you do, it's how you find the cutest way to cuddle up to me and just pass out and snore SUPER loud in my face even if it's kind of gross, it's that puppy dog face and that ADORABLE way you say "NOOOOO JUST STAY PLEASE!" that you give when I wake you up to tell you that I'm going home, and it's the way you do whatever it takes to make me stay even if you're half awake, it's the way you brush my face and pat my hair when I tell you I'm not tired and then BAM I fall asleep, it's the way you take care of me even if I'm SUPER drunk and not myself, it's when you take complete control over me when were around your friends and make it obvious that there's no one else but me, it just the simple moments with you that keep me so damn addicted and reassure me of everything between us.
I'm absolutely and entirely smitten, no matter how stressful my life can be right now with this jam packed schedule of work and other ish you're my getaway and my moment of relaxation. I'm so damn happy when I'm with you, thanks :) and I think I'm finally beginning to let you get to me ... again, things with us are way better than last year thats for sure.
<3

sick & tired

2 am unexpected phone calls, late night chilling, me having to take care of you DRUNK, going M.I.A, unreturned & anwered phone calls ... all these mixed signals.
You've got me questioning everything about you , about this ...
I dont want another repeat of our past, I just want you to stay consistant about your actions and your intentions becuse I'm close to giving up and you're almost out of chances.

so...
STEP YOUR GAME UP! or else dont waste my time.

All in.

I'm caught at this point in my life where the choices I make are so damn crucial to shaping me right now. It's summer, yes, yet I got some of the greatest offers I could've ever imagined. I have this super awesome job downtown working as a corporate secretary for the vice presedents of a coffee company as well as managing and service director and I'm only frikken 17 ! how pro is that?! On the side I've gotten into the clubbing scene and met a TON of new faces. My life has been absolutely BLESSED ; the family, the CHOSEN friends, and life just all together is so at peace. Yet fr some reason I keep wanting more, I know a part of me is warning me of the overload that awaits yet Ican't stop myself from pushing. I'm juggling friends, events, parties, pageant, dance, coreographing, work (which in itself is a drain on my energy), family, bonding with my baby sister, planning trips, working at my familys cafe, dealing with this MESSED UP love life, keeping fit and sticking to my morals, and theres just so much more that I cant even think of. Somethimes I just forget to even smile and take in life because it's just moving by so fast. I have no time to sit around and mope when something gets me down and odly enough I miss that.
I miss my youth, and yeah I'm living young but I miss not having anything to be responsible for, I miss having no dead lines or having to put a curfew on myself. I miss sleeping at 5 am in the morning knowing that i've done nothing but waste my life away on msn and facebook instead of proof reading company letters and organizing documents. I miss having so much time to sit around and take in every bit of my day. It's even shown how out of place I've been physically because I'm .... NOT TANNED! I've become the absolute whitest of my surroundings and it sucks because I need those little things in order for me to be me. I'm just finally tasting the "real world" and it's amazing, but sometimes I just want to crawl back into my old skin and take a bike ride to the beach and just ENJOI!

on the side:
Seeing you today was un-real ... it's like I wasn't myself for that moment and it looked like I was living in a picture. I had it so in my mind that you were dead to me but seeing your face right there where you worked brought back some cuts and bruises... In that moment I wanted to miss you but instead I just wanted to cry because I was so foolish. You played me for a fool my friend and in doing so the way you used to be to me is something that wont ever be again. Your not that guy I fell into, nor are you the guy who I used to call my "bestfriend" ... you're gone and I miss the old you.



No more relationships for a WHILE! boys take too much time and effort to please and understand... something that I dont have right now

earl-ito

E as in extacy, the parallel drug that you were to me. Easy with the utmost obvious description of how easily you got to me. Pearl, the metaphoric prize you were, the unbelievable worth you meant every moment.
I could go on ... but I can't. I locked you away with the hurt and the pain never to be brought up again because I didn't want to feel it anymore. I wanted it stuck in my head that you hurt me and that I should hate you for everything you've done, but everytime you get brought up it's just a constant reminder of how badly you got to me, and how you still have this damn effect on me. I'm moving on but my hearts still on your sleeve. I know I might not ever get a chance to tell you my side of this story so here it is...

I was an IDIOT to bring up breaking up, but it happened I can't keep regretting it because we were falling apart. Bay when we ended you still had me even at this super depressed moment I kept faith that we'd get back up and do it right & make it last. But you kept me at this point where I didn't know what to believe, it was like this dream that kept going wrong and everytime I wanted to wake up something just got better and I couldn't live with that. I kept feeling as if there was someone else, as if I was just this side chick. Some side order of fries just to pick at when you got a little hungry. As for me you were the appitizer the main course and dessert. Sadly for me I went to look on your blogspot at such a wrong time, I read the entry you made for your ex and that was it, that's all I could take because I knew right then and there that it wasn't me anymore, you wanted someone else someone who wasn't me. I hated you for a moment and I held it till that stupid text msg at dinner with my new guy all I had in my head was how angry I was at you ... I moved on because I knew I had to. The next day I realized that you deleted me and I didn't know what to feel, but now I do...
I turned into this monster, into this "bitch" because I wanted this so badly that I didn't pay attention to what I was doing and instead of winning you back all I did was constantly poush you away and I was so blind. I lost a bestfriend, a love, I lost you ... I dont know what to say or do anymore but just to keep living life because I took your advice and I kept moving forward, but in doing so I just can't help but be reminded of the past.

I blew all my chances ...
Earl Vincent Mendez, I love you, I miss you, and I'm sorry.

Cloud Nine

You are the greatest person to me right now. You know EXACTLY what I want and need without me even having to say a thing. You're my smile and my sun every frikking day, I'm absoutely in bliss right now because you make me want to be a better person and drag you along with me :)

If I could just ask you for one thing it'd be ... please don't change and don't let this down because right now's perfection and all I want is you around.

Second Chances

I'm still in awe at whats been happening these past couple of days, A year ago I sat here at this exact spot, crying and reminiscing about how stupid I was to let you go. I screwed up so bad with you yet for some reason you came welcoming me back not only with open arms but a bowl of taiwanese food and that exact smile I fell madly inlove with. A year ago this was amazing and I though things couldn't get any better, but they did ... you've changed so much since then and I have nothing but this HUUGE smile on my face because even my family knows how much I've missed you.

Frick I never thought you'd ever come back let alone want me, but we're here and we're better than ever. We're giving this a second chance at romance, and baby it's pure bliss. Because of you I opened my eyes to how foolish I used to be, I PROMISE I'm giving this everything that I've held out on fuck the past I'm working from it and giving you the closest I can give to perfection because I lost you once and I still couldnt get over it, so I dont want to lose you again...

This time's for keeps, I'm giving this all I got and nothing less! because second chances are once in a lifetime so I NEED to hold on to this with both hands.