I'm caught at this point in my life where the choices I make are so damn crucial to shaping me right now. It's summer, yes, yet I got some of the greatest offers I could've ever imagined. I have this super awesome job downtown working as a corporate secretary for the vice presedents of a coffee company as well as managing and service director and I'm only frikken 17 ! how pro is that?! On the side I've gotten into the clubbing scene and met a TON of new faces. My life has been absolutely BLESSED ; the family, the CHOSEN friends, and life just all together is so at peace. Yet fr some reason I keep wanting more, I know a part of me is warning me of the overload that awaits yet Ican't stop myself from pushing. I'm juggling friends, events, parties, pageant, dance, coreographing, work (which in itself is a drain on my energy), family, bonding with my baby sister, planning trips, working at my familys cafe, dealing with this MESSED UP love life, keeping fit and sticking to my morals, and theres just so much more that I cant even think of. Somethimes I just forget to even smile and take in life because it's just moving by so fast. I have no time to sit around and mope when something gets me down and odly enough I miss that.
I miss my youth, and yeah I'm living young but I miss not having anything to be responsible for, I miss having no dead lines or having to put a curfew on myself. I miss sleeping at 5 am in the morning knowing that i've done nothing but waste my life away on msn and facebook instead of proof reading company letters and organizing documents. I miss having so much time to sit around and take in every bit of my day. It's even shown how out of place I've been physically because I'm .... NOT TANNED! I've become the absolute whitest of my surroundings and it sucks because I need those little things in order for me to be me. I'm just finally tasting the "real world" and it's amazing, but sometimes I just want to crawl back into my old skin and take a bike ride to the beach and just ENJOI!
on the side:
Seeing you today was un-real ... it's like I wasn't myself for that moment and it looked like I was living in a picture. I had it so in my mind that you were dead to me but seeing your face right there where you worked brought back some cuts and bruises... In that moment I wanted to miss you but instead I just wanted to cry because I was so foolish. You played me for a fool my friend and in doing so the way you used to be to me is something that wont ever be again. Your not that guy I fell into, nor are you the guy who I used to call my "bestfriend" ... you're gone and I miss the old you.
No more relationships for a WHILE! boys take too much time and effort to please and understand... something that I dont have right now
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