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stumbled upon this amazing paragraph on chrifers page.

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up a whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life... You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' or 'how very perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not love. I hate love.- Rose Walker

Side Order

I dont want to hate you, but for some reason that's all you want from me, hate. I'm not that kinda girl nor will I ever be. So when your ready to be real and tell me what's up I'll be at the same spot you left me ... right HERE waiting & still caring, cause I dont wanna just throw it all away just cause our relationship went sour, you were a good friend to me and that's all I'm asking with all the bullshit and disrespect aside I just want you to be real with me again cause I know this isn't you and I'm going to keep believing it till you come back.

vibin'

I'm stuck in a bit of a pickle, trying to regain my balance with all aspects of my life. Yet it's hard when your caught stuck in the past, present, and future all at once. It's like trying to move on when you know your stuck living from yesterday. As well on a side note I know whats wrong for me but I can't muster up the courage to just get up and go, I triped and fell flat on my face for a dude who's NOTHING like my "typical". I can make a list of reasons NOT to pursue it yet, it's those same reasons that seem to draw me in. I'm magnetized by his "dope boy" ora lol shits just surreal and I dont know how to pull away. I keep being told he's no good. yet in my mind all that I know is that he's so good. As well to top it off, my comfort level around him is at perfection which I find strangely unfamiliar when just getting to know someone. All I know is that I dont want him to be just ANOTHER guy again, the same GUY that get my spirits up one day and leaves me crying the next cause I'm tiiiiiiiirrrreeeeeeed, this is it for the summer. If this screws up I'm taking a LONG ASS BREAK. Oh and, I know I got a good boy around but I can't help but push him away ... why can't I just do it right for once and stick to the good guy instead of making life harder and tryna' change a bad boy.