Tuesday, February 2, 2010
frustrated
Agh I'm screaming at the top of my lungs and still no one can hear me. I'm done I dont want to cry anymore can't I just be happy because selfish enough for me to sya but I DESEARVE to be happy!
What would you do
I'm falling out flat, trying to run from the one thing I'm scared of most... Losing me. I can't keep putting on this front like I know what's up everyday, I can't keep being confident and acting like I'm some sort of top notch shit, I can't keep living this lie. I'm slowly falling out, out of being myself and lets be honest ... the other night you told me "I dont even know who you are when your with your girls, to me you're someone completely different ". Truth is, I'm not myself when I'm with you so what happened. I thought I'd always know what was up, I thought I could always keep my head up and look towards the positive, but I guess I was wrong so wrong.
So now what, what do I do when it all falls down? Do I keep pushing even when I know it might already be too late, or do I give in and let the world take over me. I dont want to be lost anymore I wish life could just send me a letter telling me how to fix this.
So now what, what do I do when it all falls down? Do I keep pushing even when I know it might already be too late, or do I give in and let the world take over me. I dont want to be lost anymore I wish life could just send me a letter telling me how to fix this.
Take it from here
I'm lost in translation, trying to see exactly where we went wrong. Scratch that where I ALONE went wrong. I'm constantly always trying to keep everyone pleased and in the end the conclusion stays the same, I'm always left unhappy wondering what I did so wrong to deserve so much bullshit.
To the ones who should matter most but choose to let me down instead, I'm fed up with the bullshit, the lies, the tears, the pain. I've come to terms with the fact that all I'm ever going to be is a mistake and I guess that's all I ever was. They say in the end the only ones left standing are your family so you must cherish them, but what if the story turns out to be so much more wrong and rather than being there loving each other unconditionally because of that unfathomable bond ... we've come to hate each other so much to a point where I don't know how I'll ever forgive any of you. I'm done and fed up with thinking that I've kept screwing up when in fact you've all built up countless years of lies and is that all I'm supposed to believe... that my entire existence has been based on lies and nothing but that. How can I even begin to seek truth when that's all I know, it kills me to know that the people I've learned to learn and please all my life out of LOVE and nothing less than... have went and stabbed me right in the back.
If I could say one last thing to all of you in whom I call my family it's, I wish I never came into your world because I did nothing to desearve this. I swear if I dont get out and leave now I'm going to be under a state of depression I can feel the chill arise in my bones already.
To the ones who should matter most but choose to let me down instead, I'm fed up with the bullshit, the lies, the tears, the pain. I've come to terms with the fact that all I'm ever going to be is a mistake and I guess that's all I ever was. They say in the end the only ones left standing are your family so you must cherish them, but what if the story turns out to be so much more wrong and rather than being there loving each other unconditionally because of that unfathomable bond ... we've come to hate each other so much to a point where I don't know how I'll ever forgive any of you. I'm done and fed up with thinking that I've kept screwing up when in fact you've all built up countless years of lies and is that all I'm supposed to believe... that my entire existence has been based on lies and nothing but that. How can I even begin to seek truth when that's all I know, it kills me to know that the people I've learned to learn and please all my life out of LOVE and nothing less than... have went and stabbed me right in the back.
If I could say one last thing to all of you in whom I call my family it's, I wish I never came into your world because I did nothing to desearve this. I swear if I dont get out and leave now I'm going to be under a state of depression I can feel the chill arise in my bones already.
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