So here I sit 3:09 am unable to fall back asleep. There's just way too much on my mind: school papers to finish up, debut things that I need to organize, a charity event to host and put together, pageant to prepare myself mentally and physically for, My portfolio, On going family issues, keeping my friends intact for as long as I can, and to top it off ... I have this. Just a couple days ago I knew 100% what I wanted, now I'm here unable to fall back asleep cause my minds just on over load. I can't deny theres something there, but it's just so damn painful. I don't understand what's expected from me anymore and it hurts because with stuff like this I'm always so on point and on my game. All the advice I was given is starting to hit me ... "what reason has he ever given you to stay?", to be honest it's always been me. Since day 1 I was the one who asked to chill at metro, I was the one who ditched my friends on a bus and ran from davie all the way to burrard station JUST to see him, I was the one who missioned all the way to surrey rain or shine I was there, I was the one who changed for this relationship to work, I was the one who planned almost if not ALL the times we've hung out : the dinners, the bike rides, the chilling in general. I was the one who faught and gave this my ALL, and in the end I was the one left broken hearted and crying ... I want to sit here and take things slow and not let what I've worked so hard on just vanish, yet a part of me is starting to question everything that my hearts aching for.
I'm just so torn apart, but I know this time around it's not going to be up to me because I had my turn to give it everything I had and clearly that wasn't good enough.
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