earl-ito

E as in extacy, the parallel drug that you were to me. Easy with the utmost obvious description of how easily you got to me. Pearl, the metaphoric prize you were, the unbelievable worth you meant every moment.
I could go on ... but I can't. I locked you away with the hurt and the pain never to be brought up again because I didn't want to feel it anymore. I wanted it stuck in my head that you hurt me and that I should hate you for everything you've done, but everytime you get brought up it's just a constant reminder of how badly you got to me, and how you still have this damn effect on me. I'm moving on but my hearts still on your sleeve. I know I might not ever get a chance to tell you my side of this story so here it is...

I was an IDIOT to bring up breaking up, but it happened I can't keep regretting it because we were falling apart. Bay when we ended you still had me even at this super depressed moment I kept faith that we'd get back up and do it right & make it last. But you kept me at this point where I didn't know what to believe, it was like this dream that kept going wrong and everytime I wanted to wake up something just got better and I couldn't live with that. I kept feeling as if there was someone else, as if I was just this side chick. Some side order of fries just to pick at when you got a little hungry. As for me you were the appitizer the main course and dessert. Sadly for me I went to look on your blogspot at such a wrong time, I read the entry you made for your ex and that was it, that's all I could take because I knew right then and there that it wasn't me anymore, you wanted someone else someone who wasn't me. I hated you for a moment and I held it till that stupid text msg at dinner with my new guy all I had in my head was how angry I was at you ... I moved on because I knew I had to. The next day I realized that you deleted me and I didn't know what to feel, but now I do...
I turned into this monster, into this "bitch" because I wanted this so badly that I didn't pay attention to what I was doing and instead of winning you back all I did was constantly poush you away and I was so blind. I lost a bestfriend, a love, I lost you ... I dont know what to say or do anymore but just to keep living life because I took your advice and I kept moving forward, but in doing so I just can't help but be reminded of the past.

I blew all my chances ...
Earl Vincent Mendez, I love you, I miss you, and I'm sorry.